As the New Year approaches, I find myself thinking about where I am and where I’m headed and where I want to eventually land in my life. I do this every year – I make inspirations to improve; to prioritize my actions and control my thoughts to become a better person. In the past I’ve inspired to do everything from cussing less to exercising more to having better sex. I’ve vowed to only say positive things and to find the good in all. But this year my focus has changed. This year, I find myself thinking more about me and less about everyone else. And I think, as a 40-something woman who wears VERY many ‘hats’, that thinking about what I want and what I need is both difficult and necessary on my journey to a healthy, happy, fulfilling life.
When I was younger, I was confident and goofy and loud and daring and spontaneous and fun. I was definitely my own person. I knew what I wanted and I was fine going for it! I continued that way through most of college then hit a snag in early adulthood. I’m not exactly sure when I realized that everyone didn’t think what I thought; didn’t see what I saw; didn’t care about what I cared about. At some point, I began to understand that I wasn’t as important as I thought I was, and no matter how much I tried to make the world work the way I knew it should, it simply didn’t matter. That realization broke me a little bit. I became less comfortable and less confident and more frustrated and angry and stressed. And I didn’t know how to be happy again. I lost my focus. And I think that happens to all of us at some point.
I think we get caught up doing all the things we have to do to take care of our families, our neighbors, our churches, our pets and our friends, that we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves. It’s not that we regret doing things for others; it’s just that we neglect to do what we love; and that affects us greatly! I started to resent my awesome life because I wasn't doing anything I loved. I wasn’t doing any of the things that made me ME before I got married. So, I changed my focus.
Last October, I bought a season ticket to the theater despite the hefty price tag (I’ve always wanted to go). I spend most Sunday’s in Kansas City because that’s where I need to be. I’m saving for a trip to New York City - the one place I really want to visit.
In 2013 I'm going to: stick to my budget, pray more genuinely, join a book club, have more movie nights, and wear matching pajamas.
I challenge you to rediscover yourself this New Year. Choose a few things you love and make them happen!