It’s Easter Sunday evening. My house is strewn with candy wrappers, colored grass, and snack debris. The kids are in bed, I’m cozy in my pajamas, and the weekend is over. It was a good weekend; good enough to not be looking forward to an 8:00 appointment in the morning!
This morning I woke up a little earlier than I do most weekends. I expected to find my youngest, Max, hunting for his eggs; but it was my sleep-as-late-as-possible Madeline who was wondering the house (we’re inside egg hunters). She had wake-up hair and sleepy eyes and couldn’t stand the anticipation of Easter morning. It wasn’t long before all three of her siblings joined her in giving clues and laughing about hidden treasures. We don’t go crazy with eggs and gifts on Easter. The kids get a few dollars in a few plastic eggs, a new toothbrush, hairbrush, mechanical pencils and other little gifts in their basket, but we focus more on “the reason for the season”, our risen Lord. We honor our Catholic traditions, the end of Lent and focus on personal growth of some sort.
This Easter morning we dressed up in “nicer than normal” church attire and attended Mass as a family. Typically we head home, to Harper or KC, but this year we didn't. We cooked a big hearty breakfast and ate at the table. We talked, and laughed, and hung out together. Today we all stayed home. The kids played with each other, as they don’t always have time (or desire) to do. We went for a drive, and the roads were clear, the stores were closed, and there was no line at Sonic during Happy Hour! And it got me thinking…
Even though our nation strides to keep prayer out of schools and God out of politics, we still honor our faithful traditions. Stores were closed today, many schools were off last week for Good Friday; you can’t tell me they were celebrating a bunny rabbit bringing eggs and candy? They were honoring Faith, in some form, consciously or not.
Now I’m not naive enough to believe that my views of Easter are the only views…I understand that Easter and bunnies and eggs all have to do with new life and new birth and new growth. I know about the Pagan goddess Eastre. I grasp that my Christian beliefs have roots in the Jewish springtime holiday of Passover (the Hebrew word for Passover, Pasch, is synonymous with Easter in Europe). Easter is celebrated near the spring equinox, another celebration of growth and birth. Easter is engulfed by both pagan, Christian, Jewish and possibly other traditions and beliefs, but all those things are tied to some form of faith.
I believe stores were closed today and kids were out of school last week to honor Easter. And honoring Easter is honoring faith; even if it’s hidden in a bunny and eggs and candy. Happy Easter!
Margaret
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
We Are Mothers of Kids in Sports
We’re a group of friends forced on each other by schedules and circumstance. We migrate from fields to gyms to courts and back again, season after season. We huddle on bleachers, share blankets and snacks, and cheer each other on to victories in games and in life. We are the mothers of kids in sports.
It starts early with missing teeth and tee-ball. We celebrate by taking pictures, baking cookies, and telling stories. We trade advice, books, discipline strategies, and coupons. We plan play dates, compare babysitters and organize parties. We’re careful to include all the kids, so no feelings get hurt. We start out making small talk and end up writing novels; and inviting new friends to dinner.
The season changes...
It continues with growth spurts and basketball. We celebrate great passes, made free-throws, and soaring three-pointers. Occasionally we sign casts. There are new faces on the bleachers, new ideas, new energy, and new conversations. We learn about hobbies and passions and families. We vow to shop, do lunch, exercise, or meditate; some do, some never do, but we all meet back on the bleachers next game. We’re moms, we’re there.
The season changes and someone gets dropped, another joins a traveling team, and another looks for a different coach. We are separated by our kids; by choice and by chance.
It continues with try-outs. Some compare who made what team, who the coach likes best, who’s playing more minutes, who’s playing least. Feelings get hurt, for real and imagined reasons, and there is distance in the bleachers. Kids are judged, games are filmed, and uniforms are washed. Genuine hugs are replaced by polite waves and occasional rude comments. Whispering is everywhere. One kiddos success is over shadowed by another’s playing time. It’s a crazy, confusing place. Why can’t we honestly celebrate each others successes without comparisons? Any friend will support you when your life sucks – but real friends support you when your life is awesome!
The season changes. New friendships are formed by schedules and circumstance. We are mothers of kids in sports.
Margaret
It starts early with missing teeth and tee-ball. We celebrate by taking pictures, baking cookies, and telling stories. We trade advice, books, discipline strategies, and coupons. We plan play dates, compare babysitters and organize parties. We’re careful to include all the kids, so no feelings get hurt. We start out making small talk and end up writing novels; and inviting new friends to dinner.
The season changes...
It continues with growth spurts and basketball. We celebrate great passes, made free-throws, and soaring three-pointers. Occasionally we sign casts. There are new faces on the bleachers, new ideas, new energy, and new conversations. We learn about hobbies and passions and families. We vow to shop, do lunch, exercise, or meditate; some do, some never do, but we all meet back on the bleachers next game. We’re moms, we’re there.
The season changes and someone gets dropped, another joins a traveling team, and another looks for a different coach. We are separated by our kids; by choice and by chance.
It continues with try-outs. Some compare who made what team, who the coach likes best, who’s playing more minutes, who’s playing least. Feelings get hurt, for real and imagined reasons, and there is distance in the bleachers. Kids are judged, games are filmed, and uniforms are washed. Genuine hugs are replaced by polite waves and occasional rude comments. Whispering is everywhere. One kiddos success is over shadowed by another’s playing time. It’s a crazy, confusing place. Why can’t we honestly celebrate each others successes without comparisons? Any friend will support you when your life sucks – but real friends support you when your life is awesome!
The season changes. New friendships are formed by schedules and circumstance. We are mothers of kids in sports.
Margaret
Thursday, December 29, 2011
2012 Inspirations...
Are you ready for the New Year? I'm getting ready. I don’t know about you, but I always have a list of things to start on January 1st. I don’t really understand why I wait until January 1st, I mean every morning is a new beginning, I could just as easily pick a Thursday and get going…but I don’t, I wait. And, while I’m waiting I take advantage of the last few days of not doing whatever it is I’m waiting to begin. Seriously, I’ve had ice-cream every single night since Christmas…because I’m waiting ‘till New Year’s Day to eat healthier. It makes no sense, but I know I’m not the only one!
Since I don’t really like the word “resolution”, I make New Year’s “inspirations”. Some of them are universal, like losing weight, eating healthier, exercising more...etc. But, I have a few others on my list that I’ll invite you to do with me.
In 2012 I will:
1. …find the good. I will find the good in people, in situations, at work, in the news, and in myself. I will choose to focus on the good; and there is always good to be found.
2. …say only (or at least mostly) nice things. My grandma once told me that every word I said should be a gift to whomever I said it. I will work to accomplish that task. Of course, I’ll allow myself brief periods to vent to my hubby and a few close friends, but not too often.
3. …spend time with people I enjoy, who also enjoy me. I’ve been hanging on to some friendships that aren’t healthy and it’s time to let them go. I will spend time with happy people, people who like themselves, who inspire me, who like to laugh, and who let me be myself. Goodbye to negative friendships!
4. …be honest. I will be honest with myself about everything; including money, calories, sex, exercise, time commitments, and emotions.
5. …really experience what happens in my life. I only get to live once, so I want to soak it all up, the good and bad, the happy and sad; I will acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it, and own it!
I’m sure I’ll come up with a few other inspirations to add to the list, but I think I have a pretty good start. And, come Sunday, I’ll be ready to go. Right now though, I need to dish up some ice-cream – yum!
Margaret
Since I don’t really like the word “resolution”, I make New Year’s “inspirations”. Some of them are universal, like losing weight, eating healthier, exercising more...etc. But, I have a few others on my list that I’ll invite you to do with me.
In 2012 I will:
1. …find the good. I will find the good in people, in situations, at work, in the news, and in myself. I will choose to focus on the good; and there is always good to be found.
2. …say only (or at least mostly) nice things. My grandma once told me that every word I said should be a gift to whomever I said it. I will work to accomplish that task. Of course, I’ll allow myself brief periods to vent to my hubby and a few close friends, but not too often.
3. …spend time with people I enjoy, who also enjoy me. I’ve been hanging on to some friendships that aren’t healthy and it’s time to let them go. I will spend time with happy people, people who like themselves, who inspire me, who like to laugh, and who let me be myself. Goodbye to negative friendships!
4. …be honest. I will be honest with myself about everything; including money, calories, sex, exercise, time commitments, and emotions.
5. …really experience what happens in my life. I only get to live once, so I want to soak it all up, the good and bad, the happy and sad; I will acknowledge it, feel it, learn from it, and own it!
I’m sure I’ll come up with a few other inspirations to add to the list, but I think I have a pretty good start. And, come Sunday, I’ll be ready to go. Right now though, I need to dish up some ice-cream – yum!
Margaret
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Magic of Christmas 2011
Once again, I find myself at the end of a blessed year. I can look back on 2011 and feel joy. I live a life that allows me to take so many things for granted. My children are healthy, my parents are well, and I have a stable job, a reliable car, and a home full of laughter. But still, sometimes I find myself just going through the motions of my life. My schedule is so packed with games and work and responsibilities that I don’t always appreciate the experiences it offers. That’s how Christmas has been this year. I put up my tree with half the lights not working and that's as far as I've gotten. I haven’t decorated at all. I just don't have the energy or the Spirit to do so. I think that happens to everyone sometimes.
But last weekend, I went to Kansas City to celebrate Christmas early with my family. I was completely stressed with all that needed to get done before I could leave. I was grumpy most of the morning and we piled into the car frustrated and late. We went to the nursing home first to pick up my dad, and my heart melted (as it always does) while walking down the corridors to his room. There are so many forgotten people in this world, and I was upset because I was late getting home to spend Christmas with my family. We weren't THAT late, and it ended up being a perfectly wonderful day.
It was perfect because we took time to enjoy each other. We smiled, hugged, laughed and joked. It was loud, crowded, and fun! It was the first time since we were little that all my siblings and all their families made it home for Christmas on the same day. Every descendent of Philip and Julie Hanson were present in their house at the same time. We took one of those big pictures with everyone squeezed together that many years from now will be old and tattered and worn, and no one will remember who we are. It was magical. And I know that it may or may not ever happen again.
Life is unpredictable. This year a dear friend was diagnosed with cancer. I watched another friend lose her child and another bury her mother. Sad things happen everyday, and I know at some point, those things will happen in my family; in all of our families. We only get to live once, and it’s our responsibility to live the best life possible. We can't control what happens to us, but what happens is life and it is precious. Time is precious too. It doesn't make sense to waste that time being angry or hurt or frustrated or anything but honest and genuine and faithful. This is your life, your time; make the most of it! Merry Christmas!
Margaret
But last weekend, I went to Kansas City to celebrate Christmas early with my family. I was completely stressed with all that needed to get done before I could leave. I was grumpy most of the morning and we piled into the car frustrated and late. We went to the nursing home first to pick up my dad, and my heart melted (as it always does) while walking down the corridors to his room. There are so many forgotten people in this world, and I was upset because I was late getting home to spend Christmas with my family. We weren't THAT late, and it ended up being a perfectly wonderful day.
It was perfect because we took time to enjoy each other. We smiled, hugged, laughed and joked. It was loud, crowded, and fun! It was the first time since we were little that all my siblings and all their families made it home for Christmas on the same day. Every descendent of Philip and Julie Hanson were present in their house at the same time. We took one of those big pictures with everyone squeezed together that many years from now will be old and tattered and worn, and no one will remember who we are. It was magical. And I know that it may or may not ever happen again.
Life is unpredictable. This year a dear friend was diagnosed with cancer. I watched another friend lose her child and another bury her mother. Sad things happen everyday, and I know at some point, those things will happen in my family; in all of our families. We only get to live once, and it’s our responsibility to live the best life possible. We can't control what happens to us, but what happens is life and it is precious. Time is precious too. It doesn't make sense to waste that time being angry or hurt or frustrated or anything but honest and genuine and faithful. This is your life, your time; make the most of it! Merry Christmas!
Margaret
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
To My Daughter on Her 18th Birthday
Dear Daughter,
Happy Birthday Sweetie! I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind right now that I’m not even sure where to begin writing. I could share a bunch of clichés with you; tell you how fast time flies, how much happens in the blink of an eye, how “just yesterday…”, but I’m not going to tell you that. I knew this day would come because I watched you get here. I watched you learn to crawl and walk and run and jump. I listened to you cry, scream, giggle, talk and sing. I watched you with your friends; the ones you liked and the ones you didn’t. I saw when you were hurt and happy and confused and mad and scared and frustrated and tired. I watched you grow and learn and believe. I stood by you when you made good decisions, and when you made bad ones too. I knew when you were lying. I helped you learn about consequences. I was there when you understood your homework, and when you didn’t. I sat on the bleachers for t-ball, softball, basketball, volleyball, cheer, dance, plays, banquets and parent meetings. I supported you always. I still do. I watched you fall and I watched you get back up; when you didn’t get back up, I pulled you. I talked with you about choices and feelings and decisions and life. I told you what you wanted to hear and what you didn’t. I told you what you needed to know and checked up to make sure you were listening. I taught you life’s lessons. I told you “yes” and “no” and “absolutely not!” I hugged you, trusted you, believed in you, and loved you unconditionally – and I always will. You are my child and I am your parent. I love who you were and who you are and I’m sure I’ll love who you will become.
I know that you’ll be fine, even wonderful, on your own. Remember to always trust your intuition. If something feels right, it’s probably right; if not, it’s probably not. Remember to believe in yourself; it’s better to try something crazy than to wish you had tried it once the chance has passed. Remember to be honest and genuine and tactful; learned skills that take practice. Remember that love is never enough; a good relationship of any kind involves trust, respect, and laughter too. Remember to exercise every day - yes, every day. Remember to choose happiness and smile, even when you don’t feel like it. And please remember to call your mother often; she’ll be thinking of you.
I didn’t tell you, but this afternoon I snuck down to your bedroom and sat for a while. I became a bit tearful thinking about today being the last birthday you’ll be home. Today was the last birthday morning I’d be able to sing to you in bed, or set out birthday surprises for you to wake up to. But, isn’t that the way it should be? We should become sad when something wonderful ends – but this end will bring new beginnings, at college, in your new apartment, starting your new job, meeting a new guy…etc. I can’t wait to share the rest of your life with you, as your friend. Happy birthday baby! I love you!
Mom
Happy Birthday Sweetie! I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind right now that I’m not even sure where to begin writing. I could share a bunch of clichés with you; tell you how fast time flies, how much happens in the blink of an eye, how “just yesterday…”, but I’m not going to tell you that. I knew this day would come because I watched you get here. I watched you learn to crawl and walk and run and jump. I listened to you cry, scream, giggle, talk and sing. I watched you with your friends; the ones you liked and the ones you didn’t. I saw when you were hurt and happy and confused and mad and scared and frustrated and tired. I watched you grow and learn and believe. I stood by you when you made good decisions, and when you made bad ones too. I knew when you were lying. I helped you learn about consequences. I was there when you understood your homework, and when you didn’t. I sat on the bleachers for t-ball, softball, basketball, volleyball, cheer, dance, plays, banquets and parent meetings. I supported you always. I still do. I watched you fall and I watched you get back up; when you didn’t get back up, I pulled you. I talked with you about choices and feelings and decisions and life. I told you what you wanted to hear and what you didn’t. I told you what you needed to know and checked up to make sure you were listening. I taught you life’s lessons. I told you “yes” and “no” and “absolutely not!” I hugged you, trusted you, believed in you, and loved you unconditionally – and I always will. You are my child and I am your parent. I love who you were and who you are and I’m sure I’ll love who you will become.
I know that you’ll be fine, even wonderful, on your own. Remember to always trust your intuition. If something feels right, it’s probably right; if not, it’s probably not. Remember to believe in yourself; it’s better to try something crazy than to wish you had tried it once the chance has passed. Remember to be honest and genuine and tactful; learned skills that take practice. Remember that love is never enough; a good relationship of any kind involves trust, respect, and laughter too. Remember to exercise every day - yes, every day. Remember to choose happiness and smile, even when you don’t feel like it. And please remember to call your mother often; she’ll be thinking of you.
I didn’t tell you, but this afternoon I snuck down to your bedroom and sat for a while. I became a bit tearful thinking about today being the last birthday you’ll be home. Today was the last birthday morning I’d be able to sing to you in bed, or set out birthday surprises for you to wake up to. But, isn’t that the way it should be? We should become sad when something wonderful ends – but this end will bring new beginnings, at college, in your new apartment, starting your new job, meeting a new guy…etc. I can’t wait to share the rest of your life with you, as your friend. Happy birthday baby! I love you!
Mom
Monday, September 26, 2011
Decide Already!
Life is simply a series of decisions. You wake up each morning, face your day, make choices as necessary, and then live with the outcome of those choices. Each decision affects the next to some extent, and one day at a time, one choice at a time, you build your life.
You start out with simple things like choosing a book to read, shoes to wear, or a snack to eat. You pick favorite colors and yummiest flavors. You decide who to invite, where to go, and what to buy. Eventually, you’re volleying study habits, college applications and future career options. Throw drinking, driving, dancing, dating, and dieting into the mix and you see where I’m going.
And, it’s really fun! At first it’s fun because it’s just you, and it’s pretty easy to be happy with the choices that affect only you. You decide how late to party, what to do the next day, what classes to take and what classes to skip. You decide where you want to eat and how much you want to spend. You buy your own clothes and groceries. You pick your first car and your first job. Then, maybe you meet someone and it’s still fun. You go on vacations, spend crazy amounts of time together, fall in love, make wedding plans, tell stories and decide your future. You have a baby, name her, love her, play with her, and imagine how boring your life would be without her. You have another baby, and make those decisions again, and again, and again. And it’s still fun.
But, now it’s also kind of hard too. Now your decisions aren’t just about you and your life. Now everyone’s watching and judging. It’s hard because your life is intertwined with other people’s lives. You’re bombarded with other’s interactions, other’s decisions, and other’s outcomes. You compare your life with those around you, and begin to second-guess whether you made the best decisions earlier in your life. Sometimes you might feel guilty about how your choices affect your family, your career, your friends, your income, your future…and so on. Each decision seems much more complicated, more important and more stressful. Um, it's not so fun.
As we get older, it becomes more important for us to be happy with the decisions we make. And it’s more difficult to be happy. I used to think I could just choose happiness, but I now know that it isn’t that simple. Happiness is a balance of choices, and if the balance is off, you just can’t quite be happy. You want to be happy, you think you should be happy, you try to be happy, but you can’t. And I think to get that balance you have to make decision-making fun again. It's true that your choices will still affect your family and your future, but if you can focus on what matters in your life, and decide what you want to do, who you want to be, and how you want to live; if you can block out the comparisons to other people's lives, you can be happy. It has to be a little bit about you!
Margaret
You start out with simple things like choosing a book to read, shoes to wear, or a snack to eat. You pick favorite colors and yummiest flavors. You decide who to invite, where to go, and what to buy. Eventually, you’re volleying study habits, college applications and future career options. Throw drinking, driving, dancing, dating, and dieting into the mix and you see where I’m going.
And, it’s really fun! At first it’s fun because it’s just you, and it’s pretty easy to be happy with the choices that affect only you. You decide how late to party, what to do the next day, what classes to take and what classes to skip. You decide where you want to eat and how much you want to spend. You buy your own clothes and groceries. You pick your first car and your first job. Then, maybe you meet someone and it’s still fun. You go on vacations, spend crazy amounts of time together, fall in love, make wedding plans, tell stories and decide your future. You have a baby, name her, love her, play with her, and imagine how boring your life would be without her. You have another baby, and make those decisions again, and again, and again. And it’s still fun.
But, now it’s also kind of hard too. Now your decisions aren’t just about you and your life. Now everyone’s watching and judging. It’s hard because your life is intertwined with other people’s lives. You’re bombarded with other’s interactions, other’s decisions, and other’s outcomes. You compare your life with those around you, and begin to second-guess whether you made the best decisions earlier in your life. Sometimes you might feel guilty about how your choices affect your family, your career, your friends, your income, your future…and so on. Each decision seems much more complicated, more important and more stressful. Um, it's not so fun.
As we get older, it becomes more important for us to be happy with the decisions we make. And it’s more difficult to be happy. I used to think I could just choose happiness, but I now know that it isn’t that simple. Happiness is a balance of choices, and if the balance is off, you just can’t quite be happy. You want to be happy, you think you should be happy, you try to be happy, but you can’t. And I think to get that balance you have to make decision-making fun again. It's true that your choices will still affect your family and your future, but if you can focus on what matters in your life, and decide what you want to do, who you want to be, and how you want to live; if you can block out the comparisons to other people's lives, you can be happy. It has to be a little bit about you!
Margaret
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Recap - Courage Classic Bike Ride
I know you’ve all been waiting to hear how the Ride went…so, here’s the scoop! It's kind of long, but it was a three day ride...
It was cool the first morning of the ride. I had borrowed arm and leg warmers (didn’t even know they existed for riders until a week or so beforehand) and had them on with my riding shorts, jersey and wind jacket. I felt kind of funny since nothing matched, but hey, I was warm. So, everyone was parking their bikes and walking around near the start, so I parked my bike too and followed someone to see what might be happening and found myself at the port-a-potty. I laughed, then went, then looked for someone I recognized.
I found a small group of “Gene Teamers” and hung by them. We took some pictures, waited for a few other people, then grabbed our bikes and headed to the start. It was much more casual than I had expected, but hey, this was a RIDE, not a RACE, so I guess casual is perfect.
The ride started on a downhill, and I reached 29mph quickly and was hooked! I was freezing, but I laughed and hooted and smiled anyway and soaked it all in. The mountains were all around me, the trees were gorgeous, and the air was crisp. I felt like I was a character in a book “…she flew down the hill on her bike, hair flailing behind her, the wind smacking her face as she peddled faster and faster…” It was an amazing moment that I will always remember. “This is it”, I told myself, “and I love it!”
I knew that I had two big climbs before lunch. As I began the first ascent, I felt strong. I passed a person, then another, “this isn’t so bad”. I felt my legs tighten and my speed shorten, but it was still good. The climb lasted about 6 minutes or so and when I got to the top I thought “one down, one to go”, but it really wasn’t one of the climbs; it was just a little starter hill. When I got to the first real climb, I understood why the first one was a hill. I conquered Tennessee Pass and was pleased. But on Battle Mountain, the second climb, I wasn’t so impressive. I started strong, but it was so steep! I stopped several times (OK, five) to stretch my quads, drink water, and catch my breath. Every new start felt good and eventually, I got to the top. My team was waiting for me up there :) and I was only about a minute behind the last of them. Not too shabby! We rode 36 miles before lunch, and I was tired.
Lunch was fun. Hundreds of bikes parked and/or laying on the ground (most road bikes don’t have kickstands). I learned not to lay my bike on the gears, nice to know. Everyone hung out on the grass eating sandwiches and pasta salad, talking about the morning challenges, seeing faces from previous rides and introducing new friends. I loved it. I felt like I belonged and no one knew I was an imposter. Everyone discussed the “worst part of the ride” coming up after lunch, Vail Pass. I was sore and tired and worried. A few other riders were lined up for the SAG van; a ride to the next aid station. They convinced me to join them, understanding that stopping five times on Battle Mountain, a three mile uphill, didn’t bode well for success at Vail Pass, an eighteen mile uphill! I gave in and rode the Sag, but I regretted it. THINKING I needed to Sag and actually NEEDING it is not really the same thing. I should have tried. I’m OK with failing much more than not trying. Lesson learned…I will attempt Vail next year!
Well, I picked up at the very next stop, completed the rest of that day's miles and finished strong. Crossing the first day finish was fun, although I didn’t really feel like I deserved it, since I skipped part of the ride.
Day two also started out cool and crisp. I had my mismatched leg and arm warmers and wind jacket on. We started with a long, crazy fun, cold downhill. I left Wichita in 112 degree heat, so the 59 degree temp was refreshing. I maxed out at 34mph before hitting my breaks out of fear. I rode alongside a new friend and asked her many biking questions. I learned about “feathering” my breaks instead of “riding” them, and I learned how to ride downhill in the highest gear for more control that allowed for continued peddling. Honestly, I really didn’t know much about my gear capabilities or techniques before that point…imposter! In fact, before that conversation, I laughed at the riders peddling on the downhills, wondering why they weren’t just coasting along like me. Suddenly, I was a peddler and I liked it!
After a Chinese lunch (I usually love it, but not on a bike ride. I chose the PB&J option) we headed out. The afternoon promised more uphill riding. I watched the other bikers pass me when I pulled over to stretch, drink, and rest, and I saw that they were all breathing hard and riding slow too. Everyone was struggling, but they didn’t stop. I figured out that getting up the mountain slopes required mental toughness; not my strongpoint. “I will not stop again”, I told myself, “I can do this”. And off I went… The very next climb was an eight mile stretch. I began shifting down as needed and got myself into a little cadence and worked hard to hold it. “I will not stop” I repeated over and over. I couldn’t look up the mountain, because it just kept getting steeper and steeper and longer and longer. I started finding rocks just a few feet in front of me and I’d ride to the rock…then the next rock…and the next. I rode rock-to-rock most of the miles and felt FANTASTIC when I reached the summit! Ok, my body was sore and tired and jelly-like, but my brain was screaming with joy!! I was able to maintain an average speed of 7mph and got to the top in about an hour; that's an hour of riding all uphill! I continued riding more miles to the finish and went through feeling proud and accomplished. Then I learned that The Gene Team always waited for each other to finish together; so I walked my bike back out, waited for the Team, and went through the finish again – and it was more fun with everyone else (side note: I left lunch earlier than the others, so they wouldn’t have to wait for me…but since I didn’t stop on the big hill, I stayed ahead of them).
I looked forward to the last day of the ride, for a couple reasons. One, it was the last day of the ride, and Two, I felt stronger both physically and mentally and was excited to begin my journey up Freemont Pass; a 12 mile uphill at the very start of the day. I rode by my condo and my family was standing outside hootin’ and hollerin’ as I went by. Then I turned the corner and started the morning climb. This ride was on the highway, making me nervous because I’d not even trained on the road, let alone the highway. And, there was construction too, making the ride more treacherous. I put all of that out of my mind and focused on the task at hand. I did great the first 5 miles and stopped at the aid station with my teammates. We quickly took off again not wanting to get “cold” for the next 7, more steep, miles. I got into my groove and held my own for quite a while. My legs were kind of numb, but I kept on moving. I distracted myself with the gorgeous scenery, tried my rock-to-rock technique, and even prayed part of the Rosary. I had to pay careful attention to the road because there was a lot of loose gravel and big divots to avoid. At one point I pulled over, weak and broken, and thought I’d walk my bike for a while. I went exactly 6 steps. “I can do this”, I told myself, “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this!” I heard someone say “only five to go” as they rode by and I got back on my bike and started to ride. I repeated my mantra over and over “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this” breathe, breathe, “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this”… and I did! I was on top of the world when I reached the top of that mountain. I OWNED Freemont Pass! Never mind that it took me a total of 2 HOURS to get there, I was at the top and happy with my accomplishment. We waited for the others, took pictures, laughed and patted backs, grabbed oranges and bananas, hung out, enjoyed the beauty of the summit, and prepared for the downhill.
And, that downhill was A-MAZ-ING! I hit 37mph before “feathering” my brakes and even took a picture as I whizzed by some gorgeous scenery (not smart at that speed, but it was SO pretty). There were more uphill climbs that day, some as steep (or steeper) than Freemont Pass, but none as long; and I did fine with all of them.
I don't know exactly how many miles I covered this weekend, well over 100, but what I do know is that it changed me. I began this ride as the mother of a child with PKU who wanted to participate in a bike ride to raise money for her son’s clinic. I emerged from this ride a biker; and a stronger, more focused woman.
And, during my week in Colorado I also went white water rafting, rode the ski lift, explored the mountains, shopped, and hung out with my hubby and kids. I’d say it was a perfect week!
Margaret
It was cool the first morning of the ride. I had borrowed arm and leg warmers (didn’t even know they existed for riders until a week or so beforehand) and had them on with my riding shorts, jersey and wind jacket. I felt kind of funny since nothing matched, but hey, I was warm. So, everyone was parking their bikes and walking around near the start, so I parked my bike too and followed someone to see what might be happening and found myself at the port-a-potty. I laughed, then went, then looked for someone I recognized.
I found a small group of “Gene Teamers” and hung by them. We took some pictures, waited for a few other people, then grabbed our bikes and headed to the start. It was much more casual than I had expected, but hey, this was a RIDE, not a RACE, so I guess casual is perfect.
The ride started on a downhill, and I reached 29mph quickly and was hooked! I was freezing, but I laughed and hooted and smiled anyway and soaked it all in. The mountains were all around me, the trees were gorgeous, and the air was crisp. I felt like I was a character in a book “…she flew down the hill on her bike, hair flailing behind her, the wind smacking her face as she peddled faster and faster…” It was an amazing moment that I will always remember. “This is it”, I told myself, “and I love it!”
I knew that I had two big climbs before lunch. As I began the first ascent, I felt strong. I passed a person, then another, “this isn’t so bad”. I felt my legs tighten and my speed shorten, but it was still good. The climb lasted about 6 minutes or so and when I got to the top I thought “one down, one to go”, but it really wasn’t one of the climbs; it was just a little starter hill. When I got to the first real climb, I understood why the first one was a hill. I conquered Tennessee Pass and was pleased. But on Battle Mountain, the second climb, I wasn’t so impressive. I started strong, but it was so steep! I stopped several times (OK, five) to stretch my quads, drink water, and catch my breath. Every new start felt good and eventually, I got to the top. My team was waiting for me up there :) and I was only about a minute behind the last of them. Not too shabby! We rode 36 miles before lunch, and I was tired.
Lunch was fun. Hundreds of bikes parked and/or laying on the ground (most road bikes don’t have kickstands). I learned not to lay my bike on the gears, nice to know. Everyone hung out on the grass eating sandwiches and pasta salad, talking about the morning challenges, seeing faces from previous rides and introducing new friends. I loved it. I felt like I belonged and no one knew I was an imposter. Everyone discussed the “worst part of the ride” coming up after lunch, Vail Pass. I was sore and tired and worried. A few other riders were lined up for the SAG van; a ride to the next aid station. They convinced me to join them, understanding that stopping five times on Battle Mountain, a three mile uphill, didn’t bode well for success at Vail Pass, an eighteen mile uphill! I gave in and rode the Sag, but I regretted it. THINKING I needed to Sag and actually NEEDING it is not really the same thing. I should have tried. I’m OK with failing much more than not trying. Lesson learned…I will attempt Vail next year!
Well, I picked up at the very next stop, completed the rest of that day's miles and finished strong. Crossing the first day finish was fun, although I didn’t really feel like I deserved it, since I skipped part of the ride.
Day two also started out cool and crisp. I had my mismatched leg and arm warmers and wind jacket on. We started with a long, crazy fun, cold downhill. I left Wichita in 112 degree heat, so the 59 degree temp was refreshing. I maxed out at 34mph before hitting my breaks out of fear. I rode alongside a new friend and asked her many biking questions. I learned about “feathering” my breaks instead of “riding” them, and I learned how to ride downhill in the highest gear for more control that allowed for continued peddling. Honestly, I really didn’t know much about my gear capabilities or techniques before that point…imposter! In fact, before that conversation, I laughed at the riders peddling on the downhills, wondering why they weren’t just coasting along like me. Suddenly, I was a peddler and I liked it!
After a Chinese lunch (I usually love it, but not on a bike ride. I chose the PB&J option) we headed out. The afternoon promised more uphill riding. I watched the other bikers pass me when I pulled over to stretch, drink, and rest, and I saw that they were all breathing hard and riding slow too. Everyone was struggling, but they didn’t stop. I figured out that getting up the mountain slopes required mental toughness; not my strongpoint. “I will not stop again”, I told myself, “I can do this”. And off I went… The very next climb was an eight mile stretch. I began shifting down as needed and got myself into a little cadence and worked hard to hold it. “I will not stop” I repeated over and over. I couldn’t look up the mountain, because it just kept getting steeper and steeper and longer and longer. I started finding rocks just a few feet in front of me and I’d ride to the rock…then the next rock…and the next. I rode rock-to-rock most of the miles and felt FANTASTIC when I reached the summit! Ok, my body was sore and tired and jelly-like, but my brain was screaming with joy!! I was able to maintain an average speed of 7mph and got to the top in about an hour; that's an hour of riding all uphill! I continued riding more miles to the finish and went through feeling proud and accomplished. Then I learned that The Gene Team always waited for each other to finish together; so I walked my bike back out, waited for the Team, and went through the finish again – and it was more fun with everyone else (side note: I left lunch earlier than the others, so they wouldn’t have to wait for me…but since I didn’t stop on the big hill, I stayed ahead of them).
I looked forward to the last day of the ride, for a couple reasons. One, it was the last day of the ride, and Two, I felt stronger both physically and mentally and was excited to begin my journey up Freemont Pass; a 12 mile uphill at the very start of the day. I rode by my condo and my family was standing outside hootin’ and hollerin’ as I went by. Then I turned the corner and started the morning climb. This ride was on the highway, making me nervous because I’d not even trained on the road, let alone the highway. And, there was construction too, making the ride more treacherous. I put all of that out of my mind and focused on the task at hand. I did great the first 5 miles and stopped at the aid station with my teammates. We quickly took off again not wanting to get “cold” for the next 7, more steep, miles. I got into my groove and held my own for quite a while. My legs were kind of numb, but I kept on moving. I distracted myself with the gorgeous scenery, tried my rock-to-rock technique, and even prayed part of the Rosary. I had to pay careful attention to the road because there was a lot of loose gravel and big divots to avoid. At one point I pulled over, weak and broken, and thought I’d walk my bike for a while. I went exactly 6 steps. “I can do this”, I told myself, “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this!” I heard someone say “only five to go” as they rode by and I got back on my bike and started to ride. I repeated my mantra over and over “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this” breathe, breathe, “I am strong, I am good, and I can do this”… and I did! I was on top of the world when I reached the top of that mountain. I OWNED Freemont Pass! Never mind that it took me a total of 2 HOURS to get there, I was at the top and happy with my accomplishment. We waited for the others, took pictures, laughed and patted backs, grabbed oranges and bananas, hung out, enjoyed the beauty of the summit, and prepared for the downhill.
And, that downhill was A-MAZ-ING! I hit 37mph before “feathering” my brakes and even took a picture as I whizzed by some gorgeous scenery (not smart at that speed, but it was SO pretty). There were more uphill climbs that day, some as steep (or steeper) than Freemont Pass, but none as long; and I did fine with all of them.
I don't know exactly how many miles I covered this weekend, well over 100, but what I do know is that it changed me. I began this ride as the mother of a child with PKU who wanted to participate in a bike ride to raise money for her son’s clinic. I emerged from this ride a biker; and a stronger, more focused woman.
And, during my week in Colorado I also went white water rafting, rode the ski lift, explored the mountains, shopped, and hung out with my hubby and kids. I’d say it was a perfect week!
Margaret
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