Well, it’s Sunday evening and we're getting ready to go back to school and work in the morning. This Sunday evening is a little different from just any Sunday evening because this is the last day of my favorite holiday weekend. Oh, how I love Thanksgiving. I love it because I get to spend time with family, eat perfectly prepared dishes, and relish in desserts. I get to see my nieces and nephews who have left for college, play with the newest members of the family, and have wonderful conversations with everyone. And, I get to count my blessings.
On Thanksgiving Day, I really am able to stop and think about what matters to me. I can put pettiness aside and remember that life is precious and friends are few. I can enjoy the day-to-day moments that I usually take for granted. On Thanksgiving Day I smile when I realize the kids have been up playing video games all morning; and am thankful they have eyes to see and hands to work the controllers. I am patient when they argue; enjoying their clear, strong voices. I thank God for my children for I know many people who are not able to conceive. On Thanksgiving Day I grin when I see the paper scattered all over the table, knowing that I am able to read and comprehend. I smile as I sweep the floor, thankful to be able to squat and scoop; some people struggle with those movements. On Thanksgiving Day, I happily cook in my kitchen; I am blessed to have family with whom to enjoy the day. I remember to say “please” and “thank you”. I look forward to giggles and grins. I offer little prayers for simple things like favorite pictures, comfy jeans, long hugs, and funny comments. I appreciate my health, my home, and my hubby.
On Thanksgiving Day, I take nothing for granted. On this day, I am truly happy. I am content with who I am, what I have, and where I'm headed. It is a day for perspective, for clarity, and for thankfulness.
Then comes Christmas…that is a whole other story!
Margaret
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Look, Copy, and Learn
I have honestly enjoyed watching my youngest daughter morph into a junior high student. She comes home daily with tales to tell and stories to recount. She speaks of other girls, funny teachers, grumpy moments, silly decisions, sport mishaps, school triumphs, sleepovers, and much, much more. Sometimes I grow impatient by her detailed account of every word, step, breath, and giggle, but I understand that I’m lucky to be “in the know” with what’s happening in her little world. Along with all the info, I also get my share of requests; requests for clothes, tickets, rides, and accessories… She wants to keep up with all her newfound friends in school.
She recently requested some new jeans, not because hers don’t fit, but because they aren’t in style. I questioned her about EXACTLY what she was wanting and she quickly said “Miss Me jeans”. She explained that they are expensive jeans that have embellished pockets and thick stitching, “but”, she added, “I’m sure we can get them on sale, or find something that looks similar”. We had a nice conversation about status and materialism. I was pleased to learn that my daughter did not expect me to spend $100 on a single pair of jeans, nor would she spend it if she were to use her own money. But, she knew what she wanted based on her friend’s choices.
And, that got me thinking…don’t we all “try-on” other personalities and follow other people’s leads to be able to determine our own courses of action? Don’t we have to copy what other people do to figure out if it “fits” us? I mean, how do you know you don’t like to run until you run? I’ve copied friends’ habits, I’ve shopped at "their" stores, tried out "their" laughs, and worn outfits similar to those in "their" closets. I’ve read their books, borrowed their phrases, claimed their recipes, and matched their nail polish (I do wear polish occasionally). Many of my decorating ideas have come from mimicking things I’ve seen in other people’s homes. Sometimes those copies become part of my person and sometimes they just don’t. I remember buying a gorgeous red dress for a holiday party because my friend (who worked elsewhere) bought one and LOVED it…well, I felt uncomfortable all night and never wore that dress again. I also remember buying pajama nighties because my friend beamed about how comfy they were. I ended up taking them all back because they just weren't "me" (I didn’t take back the one I slept in…just so you know). We all copy each other. We start at birth.
Well, I ended up getting my little one a couple great new pairs of jeans, and she is relishing in her new found sense of style!
Margaret
She recently requested some new jeans, not because hers don’t fit, but because they aren’t in style. I questioned her about EXACTLY what she was wanting and she quickly said “Miss Me jeans”. She explained that they are expensive jeans that have embellished pockets and thick stitching, “but”, she added, “I’m sure we can get them on sale, or find something that looks similar”. We had a nice conversation about status and materialism. I was pleased to learn that my daughter did not expect me to spend $100 on a single pair of jeans, nor would she spend it if she were to use her own money. But, she knew what she wanted based on her friend’s choices.
And, that got me thinking…don’t we all “try-on” other personalities and follow other people’s leads to be able to determine our own courses of action? Don’t we have to copy what other people do to figure out if it “fits” us? I mean, how do you know you don’t like to run until you run? I’ve copied friends’ habits, I’ve shopped at "their" stores, tried out "their" laughs, and worn outfits similar to those in "their" closets. I’ve read their books, borrowed their phrases, claimed their recipes, and matched their nail polish (I do wear polish occasionally). Many of my decorating ideas have come from mimicking things I’ve seen in other people’s homes. Sometimes those copies become part of my person and sometimes they just don’t. I remember buying a gorgeous red dress for a holiday party because my friend (who worked elsewhere) bought one and LOVED it…well, I felt uncomfortable all night and never wore that dress again. I also remember buying pajama nighties because my friend beamed about how comfy they were. I ended up taking them all back because they just weren't "me" (I didn’t take back the one I slept in…just so you know). We all copy each other. We start at birth.
Well, I ended up getting my little one a couple great new pairs of jeans, and she is relishing in her new found sense of style!
Margaret
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Life Lessons...
I don’t remember what started it. I think it was when Jessica, my oldest, came home from kindergarten crying. I wasn’t expecting the cliques, clubs and cruelty to start so soon, yet, there I was, listening to my 6 year old explain that she couldn’t play on the slide that day because her name didn’t start with an “M”. I listened to her patiently. I held her tightly. I asked her how she felt, what she did, and what she was going to do tomorrow. We talked about strategies and options. We guessed about why those little girls might have acted that way; “Maybe their mommy’s haven’t taught them how to be nice to everyone”, I offered. “Maybe they’re just mean”, she replied. When Jessica was calm, and all was temporarily well, it happened; “remember how this feels honey, and don’t ever make anyone else feel that way”; it was the first of many life lessons.
I don’t know if I was trying to find the good in the bad, or just filling the silence and hurt with something more positive, but it caught on. When we moved to a new town the summer before Jessica’s second grade, we had hopes for a new start with a new group of classmates. But the life lessons continued. “Maybe those girls have all been friends for a long time, and just don’t know how to meet new kids”. Followed closely with, “remember how this feels and be sure to sit by the next new student at lunch, and smile at her in the hall”. We shared lessons about the lunchroom, recess, parties, ballgames, clothes, sleepovers, attitudes, and friendships.
When Jack started kindergarten a few years later, I listened as Jessica told him about school “…be nice to everyone because it feels bad when kids are mean”. I was so proud of her! All my kiddos have been privy to listening to my views of what’s important in life. When no one wanted to race Max at recess, we talked about how fun it is to win…for the winner, not necessarily for the loser. I questioned him as to whether he would want to keep racing someone if he lost every single time. Max quit begging kids to race him, and even tripped a time or two and lost. “I wanted my friends to feel good mom.” Now, I don’t advocate losing on purpose, or not trying your best, but his action was about the other boy’s feelings, and self-esteem. You can’t argue with that motive!
I will admit that there have been down-sides to my lesson sharing. Sometimes the kids felt like I didn’t support them “You always stick up for the other kid”, they would say, “Can’t you just listen without adding in a lesson. Can’t you just be mad?” I had to explain that it wasn’t about taking sides, it was about growing and learning and looking at situations from different perspectives. Believe it or not, our world isn’t always about us – it’s about all the people with whom we come in contact, it’s about all the things we think and hear and say; it’s about who we are when making tough decisions, it’s about what we do in the face of pressure; and we have to be prepared. My sharing of life lessons is one way of preparing my kids for taking their place in the world. And, I think it’s turned out pretty well.
I’ll admit that I do get upset about events that affect my children. I don’t like when kids are mean and feelings get hurt. I know that oftentimes things are unfair and kids get targeted. I get mad about coaches decisions, rude comments, and mean girls. I dwell on hurtful words uttered in haste, tearful cries of inequality, and unnecessary hateful glares. I understand that teachers sometimes pick on students and classmates cheat and kids lie, but I choose not to share those feelings with my children. I save my complaints and vent to my husband in the privacy of our bedroom. I believe that negativity breeds negativity, and I don’t want to be part of that. I want my kids to hear the proactive side of frustration. I listen to them, love them and accept them. And share life lessons with them…what more could they ask for?
I don’t know if I was trying to find the good in the bad, or just filling the silence and hurt with something more positive, but it caught on. When we moved to a new town the summer before Jessica’s second grade, we had hopes for a new start with a new group of classmates. But the life lessons continued. “Maybe those girls have all been friends for a long time, and just don’t know how to meet new kids”. Followed closely with, “remember how this feels and be sure to sit by the next new student at lunch, and smile at her in the hall”. We shared lessons about the lunchroom, recess, parties, ballgames, clothes, sleepovers, attitudes, and friendships.
When Jack started kindergarten a few years later, I listened as Jessica told him about school “…be nice to everyone because it feels bad when kids are mean”. I was so proud of her! All my kiddos have been privy to listening to my views of what’s important in life. When no one wanted to race Max at recess, we talked about how fun it is to win…for the winner, not necessarily for the loser. I questioned him as to whether he would want to keep racing someone if he lost every single time. Max quit begging kids to race him, and even tripped a time or two and lost. “I wanted my friends to feel good mom.” Now, I don’t advocate losing on purpose, or not trying your best, but his action was about the other boy’s feelings, and self-esteem. You can’t argue with that motive!
I will admit that there have been down-sides to my lesson sharing. Sometimes the kids felt like I didn’t support them “You always stick up for the other kid”, they would say, “Can’t you just listen without adding in a lesson. Can’t you just be mad?” I had to explain that it wasn’t about taking sides, it was about growing and learning and looking at situations from different perspectives. Believe it or not, our world isn’t always about us – it’s about all the people with whom we come in contact, it’s about all the things we think and hear and say; it’s about who we are when making tough decisions, it’s about what we do in the face of pressure; and we have to be prepared. My sharing of life lessons is one way of preparing my kids for taking their place in the world. And, I think it’s turned out pretty well.
I’ll admit that I do get upset about events that affect my children. I don’t like when kids are mean and feelings get hurt. I know that oftentimes things are unfair and kids get targeted. I get mad about coaches decisions, rude comments, and mean girls. I dwell on hurtful words uttered in haste, tearful cries of inequality, and unnecessary hateful glares. I understand that teachers sometimes pick on students and classmates cheat and kids lie, but I choose not to share those feelings with my children. I save my complaints and vent to my husband in the privacy of our bedroom. I believe that negativity breeds negativity, and I don’t want to be part of that. I want my kids to hear the proactive side of frustration. I listen to them, love them and accept them. And share life lessons with them…what more could they ask for?
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Moment of Choice
So, my fourteen year old son, Jack, comes home from school in a playful mood. He tosses his dirty just-ran-five-miles socks at me, keeps ‘accidentally’ bumping into me in the kitchen, shoots water toward me while rinsing his milk glass, and overall exudes a very happy, “let’s play” attitude. He hugs me and refuses to let go, laughing as he pulls me around, trying to make me fall. I know what he wants; he wants me to wrestle around with him, he wants me to pin him down and tickle him, he wants me to be the playful mamma I usually am.
But, today I’m in a “this house is a mess” mood. I’m in a “you were supposed to put your clothes away last night, but didn’t” mood. I’m in a “let’s all pitch in and get this place cleaned up" kind of mood. I know what I want; I want to dust, I want to organize, I want to clean. Needless to say, things weren’t going so great for either of us.
I’ll admit it; I’m a slightly anal, somewhat organized, like-things-in-order type of person. Throw in a type-A personality, a little OCD, and some move-it-over-just-a-tad and you’re got a decent picture of me. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to have fun, I can be spontaneous, I like adventure and action, but I just like to be prepared for it. I was prepared to clean.
I had a choice to make. THIS choice stemmed from another choice that happened years ago. I was in the “work” mode preparing dinner for three little kids, unpacking groceries, picking up toys, putting out fires…and my husband (who usually helps) was sitting, watching our 6 month old play. “I enjoy her so much!” he says. “Enjoy her?” I say out loud, “to me she’s a lot of work”. “You have to enjoy her” he says again,” So, I sat and watched my baby play. She made the cutest faces, she made the sweetest sounds, and she was so innocent. She didn’t care if her dinner was late. She didn’t care if she had a bath, she didn’t care if there were toys all over the room. And, for a few moments, neither did I. Of course, with two other little ones, that sit-and-watch time was short, but it was meaningful. The message was clear; enjoy your children while you have the chance. Don’t miss those moments.
So, while Jack was walking down the hall with an armful of towels, I “accidentally” tripped him, then pinned him down and tickled him. He tried to squirm away, but I grabbed his ankle and pulled him back for a second attack. Madeline joined in and we shared a great moment of surprise, fun, and innocence. One day these kids won’t want to play with me. They won’t want for me to hug them, kiss them and tickle them till they pee. They’re getting strong enough that I may not physically be able to keep them down for much longer anyway. Kids love to play and for some reason, parents forget or choose not to do it with them.
The house still got cleaned…thirty minutes later.
But, today I’m in a “this house is a mess” mood. I’m in a “you were supposed to put your clothes away last night, but didn’t” mood. I’m in a “let’s all pitch in and get this place cleaned up" kind of mood. I know what I want; I want to dust, I want to organize, I want to clean. Needless to say, things weren’t going so great for either of us.
I’ll admit it; I’m a slightly anal, somewhat organized, like-things-in-order type of person. Throw in a type-A personality, a little OCD, and some move-it-over-just-a-tad and you’re got a decent picture of me. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to have fun, I can be spontaneous, I like adventure and action, but I just like to be prepared for it. I was prepared to clean.
I had a choice to make. THIS choice stemmed from another choice that happened years ago. I was in the “work” mode preparing dinner for three little kids, unpacking groceries, picking up toys, putting out fires…and my husband (who usually helps) was sitting, watching our 6 month old play. “I enjoy her so much!” he says. “Enjoy her?” I say out loud, “to me she’s a lot of work”. “You have to enjoy her” he says again,” So, I sat and watched my baby play. She made the cutest faces, she made the sweetest sounds, and she was so innocent. She didn’t care if her dinner was late. She didn’t care if she had a bath, she didn’t care if there were toys all over the room. And, for a few moments, neither did I. Of course, with two other little ones, that sit-and-watch time was short, but it was meaningful. The message was clear; enjoy your children while you have the chance. Don’t miss those moments.
So, while Jack was walking down the hall with an armful of towels, I “accidentally” tripped him, then pinned him down and tickled him. He tried to squirm away, but I grabbed his ankle and pulled him back for a second attack. Madeline joined in and we shared a great moment of surprise, fun, and innocence. One day these kids won’t want to play with me. They won’t want for me to hug them, kiss them and tickle them till they pee. They’re getting strong enough that I may not physically be able to keep them down for much longer anyway. Kids love to play and for some reason, parents forget or choose not to do it with them.
The house still got cleaned…thirty minutes later.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
We're All "...Like That"
You might not believe this, but I’m a talker. I talk a lot, to a lot of people. Last weekend, I struck up a conversation with a woman sitting next to me at a sporting event; and I’m still thinking about that conversation. She was a nurse. When I told her that I was a speech language pathologist, she commented “Oh, I could never work with ‘kids like that’”. What? “Kids like that”? What did she mean? I think she meant it as a compliment to me, but I must have looked at her funny, because she got up to use the bathroom and didn’t come back. I’ve been thinking about what I wish I would have said to her.
I wish I would have said in an honest, non-judgmental, teaching kind of way, that “kids like that” are just regular kids. They have mothers and fathers who love them. They eat the same kinds of food as their peers. “Kid’s like that” play, cry, smile, laugh, sleep, and love. They learn to roll over, crawl, cruise and walk, as they are able. They learn to communicate their wants and needs and play and interact with those around them. “Kids like that” might learn to do these skills differently than other kids, but they’re just as meaningful.
I think the woman meant to say that she was uncomfortable with people who are different than she is; people who require special needs. But isn’t that every single person? Isn’t each of us different from each other, and require our own set of special needs? I have a child who has a disorder that requires me to make different food for him…I also have a perfectly healthy child who is such a picky eater that I’m often making a PB&J sandwich for him at suppertime. What’s the difference? Don’t we all come from somewhat dysfunctional families with skeletons in our closets? We’re all “…like that”.
“Kids like that” might walk, talk, look or act differently than we do, but so what? Sometimes I walk, talk, look, and act differently than the people surrounding me. Maybe “kids like that” are really intended to teach the rest of us about respect and acceptance. I don't know anyone who has a physical difference that sits and judges others the way that they are judged! Everyone is different. Everyone has special needs. Everyone is worthy of love, acceptance and a fulfilling life. If we can remember that there is a person behind all those differences, and focus on getting to know that person, we might meet someone we like. And, if we aren't able to see that person, then maybe we don't deserve that friendship anyway.
It's simple; everybody needs to be loved for exactly who they are. Let's spread the love.
Margaret
I wish I would have said in an honest, non-judgmental, teaching kind of way, that “kids like that” are just regular kids. They have mothers and fathers who love them. They eat the same kinds of food as their peers. “Kid’s like that” play, cry, smile, laugh, sleep, and love. They learn to roll over, crawl, cruise and walk, as they are able. They learn to communicate their wants and needs and play and interact with those around them. “Kids like that” might learn to do these skills differently than other kids, but they’re just as meaningful.
I think the woman meant to say that she was uncomfortable with people who are different than she is; people who require special needs. But isn’t that every single person? Isn’t each of us different from each other, and require our own set of special needs? I have a child who has a disorder that requires me to make different food for him…I also have a perfectly healthy child who is such a picky eater that I’m often making a PB&J sandwich for him at suppertime. What’s the difference? Don’t we all come from somewhat dysfunctional families with skeletons in our closets? We’re all “…like that”.
“Kids like that” might walk, talk, look or act differently than we do, but so what? Sometimes I walk, talk, look, and act differently than the people surrounding me. Maybe “kids like that” are really intended to teach the rest of us about respect and acceptance. I don't know anyone who has a physical difference that sits and judges others the way that they are judged! Everyone is different. Everyone has special needs. Everyone is worthy of love, acceptance and a fulfilling life. If we can remember that there is a person behind all those differences, and focus on getting to know that person, we might meet someone we like. And, if we aren't able to see that person, then maybe we don't deserve that friendship anyway.
It's simple; everybody needs to be loved for exactly who they are. Let's spread the love.
Margaret
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Enough is Enough is Enough..
Will there ever come a time when “enough” is all I crave? I find that I am always looking, searching, striving, believing, expecting, and desiring more. I want a bigger house, more money, new shoes, and a trip to NYC. I need more time, more counter space, more financial security, and more sleep. I want to learn to play piano, speak Spanish, tend a garden, and pole vault. I’m always looking for more. I want to be content with what I have, but for some reason, I keep striving for more.
I already have a lot to be thankful for. I have a happy, healthy family, a good job, a reliable car, food on the table, a funny husband (but don’t tell him I said that), girlfriends, and great memories. People call me on my birthday, I have friends to eat lunch with, and I always find a smiling, welcoming face in the crowd at ballgames. I get to take little trips, am organized, enjoy other people, can afford to go to the movies, and live in a nice house. I have everything I need and most of the things I want. Yet, I still find opportunities to complain and I’m absolutely inadequate at expressing my thankfulness for what I have.
I know what I have, but I don’t think I really appreciate it. I want to learn to balance what is important for me, to know what matters. I want to learn perspective. I want to continue to grow and to become a stronger, more reliable person, but not with things or with pressures. I just want to “be”, and be content with that.
My goal is to become the kind of person who is perfectly happy with who I am and where I am in life. I want to find joy in whatever I’m doing and with whomever I’m spending time. I want to speak kindly and patiently with others. I want to smile more and grumble less. I want to matter, but especially want others to know that they matter. I want my children to remember a happy, humble, gentle mother. I want my friends to feel appreciated, to know they are important to me. I will make time to touch base with the people in my life. I will mend any broken fences. I will write and send thank you cards, not just think about doing it. I will pray more for other people instead of for myself. I will enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it. I will roll with what life throws at me. I will focus on what I need. I will find balance in my life.
These are my goals, I know it will take time to achieve them all, but I’m starting now!
Margaret
I already have a lot to be thankful for. I have a happy, healthy family, a good job, a reliable car, food on the table, a funny husband (but don’t tell him I said that), girlfriends, and great memories. People call me on my birthday, I have friends to eat lunch with, and I always find a smiling, welcoming face in the crowd at ballgames. I get to take little trips, am organized, enjoy other people, can afford to go to the movies, and live in a nice house. I have everything I need and most of the things I want. Yet, I still find opportunities to complain and I’m absolutely inadequate at expressing my thankfulness for what I have.
I know what I have, but I don’t think I really appreciate it. I want to learn to balance what is important for me, to know what matters. I want to learn perspective. I want to continue to grow and to become a stronger, more reliable person, but not with things or with pressures. I just want to “be”, and be content with that.
My goal is to become the kind of person who is perfectly happy with who I am and where I am in life. I want to find joy in whatever I’m doing and with whomever I’m spending time. I want to speak kindly and patiently with others. I want to smile more and grumble less. I want to matter, but especially want others to know that they matter. I want my children to remember a happy, humble, gentle mother. I want my friends to feel appreciated, to know they are important to me. I will make time to touch base with the people in my life. I will mend any broken fences. I will write and send thank you cards, not just think about doing it. I will pray more for other people instead of for myself. I will enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it. I will roll with what life throws at me. I will focus on what I need. I will find balance in my life.
These are my goals, I know it will take time to achieve them all, but I’m starting now!
Margaret
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