If you could go on a vacation to the destination of your choice and have the time of your life there, would you go? What if you knew that afterward you would remember nothing about it, would you still go? I answered “sure” to the first question but a quick, definite “not-a-chance” to the second. Why would you take a vacation if you’d have no memory of it? Isn’t life about the memories? Already I find myself talking about things that happened when the kids were little, when Mike and I were first married, when I was in college…etc. When I get together with extended family, we talk about the year it snowed 12 inches or the time the turkey burned. If there were no memories, what would matter?
Do you ever think about your legacy? What will people remember about you when you’re gone? What moments will come to mind, and what will be remembered about those moments? It really doesn’t matter what we do, it’s the memory of what we do that matters. What we think we offer the world is not necessarily what the world will remember about us. I know this because I did an experiment with my children. I asked them what they will remember about their dad when he happens to die (I know…a bit gruesome, but worthwhile) and they spewed out a whole bunch of great memories; some I’d even forgotten until they started talking. He always honked the horn when the kids walked in front of the car; he would start singing a song, expecting the kids to join in…etc. We laughed and interrupted each other and talked and were goofy for a long time. All the memories were good ones and there were plenty of them.
Then I asked what they would remember about me. That was a tougher question. There were some funny, happy memories that quickly surfaced, but it was a more quiet exchange… It seems that their dad is the “fun” one, the “silly” one and I am the “clean” one, the “can I go?” one. I’m the parent who makes and enforces the rules. At first I was kind of hurt that they didn’t remember all the things I remembered, but after some dwelling, I realize that parents have to balance each other, and that my role is a good one. My kids come to me with their homework, they tell me about their friends, their relationships, their lives. We discuss saving money, being honest, working hard, making good choices, making tough choices…it isn’t all fun, but we connect on a deep, genuine level. It’s not what I would think my kids would remember about me, but I’m completely OK with it, even proud of it. Some parent’s don’t have the trust and faith of their children, and I do. And, I’m happy I know what they think, so I can throw some “crazy” in the mix.
Today you’re living your memories…make sure they’re good ones!
Margaret
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Mid-Life Crisis??
I’m sorry I haven’t written for such a long time…I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. I don’t know if I can clearly explain it, but I’ve been dwelling, asking, explaining, reliving, believing, learning, and finally, accepting who I am and how I came to think and act as I do. I’ve always been a late bloomer, and it’s taken all of my 43 years to actually process and understand myself, and my interactions with others. For a while I thought I was having a mid-life crisis, but I’ve come to realize that I’ve simply been in a deep state of introspection (thank you friend).
It’s been an interesting process. I’ve gained new insights from events that occurred as far back as junior-high school. I actually liked junior-high; I didn’t really internalize all the crap that happened, until I watched my daughters tread through, bringing memories alongside. And that, my friends, opened the floodgates to a rush of confusion. Statements that were initially processed as “odd” or “what?” suddenly surfaced as “rude” or “downright mean”. I’d always had a very confident, positive self-concept, and that has been seriously shaken over the past several years both by recent interactions as well as past revelations. I find it sad, and refreshing, if that even make sense.
For now, I have come to peace with myself and, more challenging, with how others view me. I understand, clearly, that someone will always be talking behind my back, questioning my views, criticizing my accomplishments (or those of my children), critiquing my parenting, judging my actions, pulling me down…etc. I honestly had never really understood that before. I took everything at face value. I guess my parents did a fantastic job of sheltering me, and raising me to believe that everyone is honest and good and forthright. I don’t think that I will ever be as happy as I was, well, at least not as free, but I do feel good knowing that I’m finally on the same page as everybody else.
I’m learning how to ignore the negative vibes, hold my head high, trust myself, and concentrate on living the life I’m intended to live. Others can pull me down, but I’ll decide whether or not they’ll make me fall!
Margaret
It’s been an interesting process. I’ve gained new insights from events that occurred as far back as junior-high school. I actually liked junior-high; I didn’t really internalize all the crap that happened, until I watched my daughters tread through, bringing memories alongside. And that, my friends, opened the floodgates to a rush of confusion. Statements that were initially processed as “odd” or “what?” suddenly surfaced as “rude” or “downright mean”. I’d always had a very confident, positive self-concept, and that has been seriously shaken over the past several years both by recent interactions as well as past revelations. I find it sad, and refreshing, if that even make sense.
For now, I have come to peace with myself and, more challenging, with how others view me. I understand, clearly, that someone will always be talking behind my back, questioning my views, criticizing my accomplishments (or those of my children), critiquing my parenting, judging my actions, pulling me down…etc. I honestly had never really understood that before. I took everything at face value. I guess my parents did a fantastic job of sheltering me, and raising me to believe that everyone is honest and good and forthright. I don’t think that I will ever be as happy as I was, well, at least not as free, but I do feel good knowing that I’m finally on the same page as everybody else.
I’m learning how to ignore the negative vibes, hold my head high, trust myself, and concentrate on living the life I’m intended to live. Others can pull me down, but I’ll decide whether or not they’ll make me fall!
Margaret
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It Was...The Best Summer
Ok, so one crazy summer in college I decided to head to Cincinnati, OH to sell books door-to-door (yes, I’m totally serious!). I worked with a group from the Southwestern Company and sold The Volume Library and various other books to whomever happened to be home during the day. It was both the best and the worst summer of my life…but mostly, the best, I think.
When else would I ever be daring enough to head off to a new city, with a few strangers and one friend, to do something so random? There wasn’t much of a plan in place; I knocked on doors until I found a place to sleep, and then knocked on doors to sell books. I used the partial payments from my sales to finance my expenses. Seriously, I would never let my daughter do that today!
Here are my top 6 life lessons from Cincinnati:
1. People are good at heart. Strangers took care of me that summer. They fed me, they worried about me, and they made me lemonade.
2. Your brain believes what your mouth tells it. Negativity breeds negativity and the same is true for positivity.
3. Perspective is personal; own yours. Your perspective is your reality.
4. Effort is the difference between success and failure, talent helps, but effort matters (when I knocked on doors, I sold a lot of books, I had the knack, but I put my effort into meeting people, writing letters and having fun).
5. You constantly affect others, so be nice. I received a handmade blanket from a woman I met in Cincinnati right before my wedding day. Her husband sent it with a note explaining that she had worked hard to finish it for me, and that she insisted my picture be hung on her family wall, before she died. I had no idea I affected her that much.
6. The truth really matters to you. You can pretend to be whomever you want for other people, but you know the truth about yourself. Like your truth.
I can also tell you that Cincinnati has a fabulous zoo, the street vendors are hilarious, the stadium is very cool, and there are a few to-die-for shops downtown. I spent two evenings boating and swimming with some spontaneous new friends (against company rules), met a gang of boys that were very funny, flirted with some businessmen, took some funny pictures and got dumped by boyfriend (that’s another blog).
I think that summer was, mostly, the best summer.
Margaret
When else would I ever be daring enough to head off to a new city, with a few strangers and one friend, to do something so random? There wasn’t much of a plan in place; I knocked on doors until I found a place to sleep, and then knocked on doors to sell books. I used the partial payments from my sales to finance my expenses. Seriously, I would never let my daughter do that today!
Here are my top 6 life lessons from Cincinnati:
1. People are good at heart. Strangers took care of me that summer. They fed me, they worried about me, and they made me lemonade.
2. Your brain believes what your mouth tells it. Negativity breeds negativity and the same is true for positivity.
3. Perspective is personal; own yours. Your perspective is your reality.
4. Effort is the difference between success and failure, talent helps, but effort matters (when I knocked on doors, I sold a lot of books, I had the knack, but I put my effort into meeting people, writing letters and having fun).
5. You constantly affect others, so be nice. I received a handmade blanket from a woman I met in Cincinnati right before my wedding day. Her husband sent it with a note explaining that she had worked hard to finish it for me, and that she insisted my picture be hung on her family wall, before she died. I had no idea I affected her that much.
6. The truth really matters to you. You can pretend to be whomever you want for other people, but you know the truth about yourself. Like your truth.
I can also tell you that Cincinnati has a fabulous zoo, the street vendors are hilarious, the stadium is very cool, and there are a few to-die-for shops downtown. I spent two evenings boating and swimming with some spontaneous new friends (against company rules), met a gang of boys that were very funny, flirted with some businessmen, took some funny pictures and got dumped by boyfriend (that’s another blog).
I think that summer was, mostly, the best summer.
Margaret
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
"Getting Ready" vs."Being Ready"
I’m in the middle of planning a big event. Ok, I say “middle”, but I really mean the second step after deciding to participate. So, I guess it’s really the beginning of the middle of planning a big event. And, I’m already feeling overwhelmed! I think that’s how it works. We make a decision to do something, say a little prayer, jump out of our box, and feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed is good, I think.
So, what am I planning? I’m planning to get off my butt, get into shape, squeeze into spandex (so help me…), and ride a bike for three days in the Rocky Mountains in support of my son. I’m part of The Gene Team, riding in The Courage Classic, July 23-25, in Colorado (I’ll share more about that in a later post). I already know it is the start of something big! And, I’m getting ready…
And that’s what has me thinking…will my “getting ready” ever turn into “being ready”? Will I really feel prepared to do something so drastically different from what I typically do? Because I can tell you that I am not (yet) a biker. I haven’t exercised regularly in over 20 years and I don’t even own a road bike (yet). Sometimes I think I’m just in a mid-life crisis and I’ll wake up one morning and not need to ride my bike for 59 miles every day for three days; yet other times, I feel dead-on that this is a true life calling that I have just uncovered. Either way, I’m committed. My Craigslist shopping has changed from “general”, “household”, “tickets”, and “furniture” to only “bikes”. I have learned a whole new language involving TREK, shimano, gear cogs, forks, clips, carbon, and much, much more. I’m changing my eating habits, increasing my push-up abilities, and researching vitamins. This adventure is “on”…and is completely out of my box!
I know I will be stronger and fuller and more accomplished come the end of July. I know it is an honor to participate in an event that literally will touch the lives of thousands of families, with my family being one of those directly affected. And, even with that, I am scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to finish, that I won’t reach my goals, that I won’t be well-enough prepared. What step am I missing in my plan? What comes next? What will I do if…? I think fear is part of everything new, and it’s okay.
I don’t think anyone can be completely prepared to do something completely new. But, I also think that everyone should try it. I know there are trips that have been talked about, Shelters that are waiting to be built, business that need to be opened, ideas that are alive only in the minds of those who are planning them…but for anything to become real, we have to take action on those plans. What challenge do you wish to conquer? What thoughts you are thinking? What event will pull you out of your box and into your life? I want to know.
Margaret
So, what am I planning? I’m planning to get off my butt, get into shape, squeeze into spandex (so help me…), and ride a bike for three days in the Rocky Mountains in support of my son. I’m part of The Gene Team, riding in The Courage Classic, July 23-25, in Colorado (I’ll share more about that in a later post). I already know it is the start of something big! And, I’m getting ready…
And that’s what has me thinking…will my “getting ready” ever turn into “being ready”? Will I really feel prepared to do something so drastically different from what I typically do? Because I can tell you that I am not (yet) a biker. I haven’t exercised regularly in over 20 years and I don’t even own a road bike (yet). Sometimes I think I’m just in a mid-life crisis and I’ll wake up one morning and not need to ride my bike for 59 miles every day for three days; yet other times, I feel dead-on that this is a true life calling that I have just uncovered. Either way, I’m committed. My Craigslist shopping has changed from “general”, “household”, “tickets”, and “furniture” to only “bikes”. I have learned a whole new language involving TREK, shimano, gear cogs, forks, clips, carbon, and much, much more. I’m changing my eating habits, increasing my push-up abilities, and researching vitamins. This adventure is “on”…and is completely out of my box!
I know I will be stronger and fuller and more accomplished come the end of July. I know it is an honor to participate in an event that literally will touch the lives of thousands of families, with my family being one of those directly affected. And, even with that, I am scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to finish, that I won’t reach my goals, that I won’t be well-enough prepared. What step am I missing in my plan? What comes next? What will I do if…? I think fear is part of everything new, and it’s okay.
I don’t think anyone can be completely prepared to do something completely new. But, I also think that everyone should try it. I know there are trips that have been talked about, Shelters that are waiting to be built, business that need to be opened, ideas that are alive only in the minds of those who are planning them…but for anything to become real, we have to take action on those plans. What challenge do you wish to conquer? What thoughts you are thinking? What event will pull you out of your box and into your life? I want to know.
Margaret
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year, New Ideas, New Perspectives
I’m in my house alone. I don’t really feel like doing anything, yet I have plenty to do (return items to the store, grocery shop for this week, prepare for work tomorrow, clean, laundry…). I’ve been quite lazy all morning, and would be happy to continue being lazy all day long. It’s the “calm” between the “storms”; the break between the holiday hustle and grind of school and work. And it’s nice.
It’s also the start of a New Year, the first days to begin doing things we’ve been thinking about doing, but just never actually started doing. I don’t really know why we wait for January to take action on things we want to do. I mean, every morning is a new start and a new opportunity to improve ourselves, to try out different ideas. But, January is good too.
And, I do have my list of new things I want to begin…some of them are private and personal; others are wild and crazy and deserve a public outing. For one, publicly stating a goal offers instant accountability and for big changes, sometimes that is needed. I’ve shared my decisions to be more patient and accepting, more open and honest with myself and others, and more focused on being a positive influence in previous posts, so today I’m taking a completely different perspective.
This year I want to focus on “giving back”, and have decided to start that venue in two ways. First and foremost, I will begin recycling (I know…it’s bad that I don’t already do that!). I used to recycle, and then stopped when I moved and I just haven’t set up a system again. I have no good excuse and am embarrassed to admit that I am wasteful, but that’s the point of this, right? So, any ideas are welcome.
Second, and this is a stretch for me, I am committing to a three day bike tour in the Rocky Mountains in July in support of The Children’s Hospital in Aurora, CO. Most of you know that I have a son with PKU (Phenylketonuria) and that we travel to Colorado twice a year to see his doctors and dieticians there. They have provided so much support for us over the years (professionally and personally) and we have never been in a position to “give back”. This year, I have decided to participate in the Courage Classic bike tour (July 23-25) with fundraising efforts going directly to the IMD (Inherited Metabolic Disease) clinic that serves my son. I have not yet set my fundraising goals, but I am definitely riding. So, support is welcomed here too…ideas, riding tips, donations, etc. I’m getting fitted for my bike tomorrow:).
It’s the start of a New Year; the start for new opportunities, new ideas, new beginnings. It’s a chance to re-think, decide, plan and accomplish things we’ve been thinking about doing. It’s a great time to step out of ourselves and into whom we want to become. We just have to decide who that person is; and then take action!
Margaret
It’s also the start of a New Year, the first days to begin doing things we’ve been thinking about doing, but just never actually started doing. I don’t really know why we wait for January to take action on things we want to do. I mean, every morning is a new start and a new opportunity to improve ourselves, to try out different ideas. But, January is good too.
And, I do have my list of new things I want to begin…some of them are private and personal; others are wild and crazy and deserve a public outing. For one, publicly stating a goal offers instant accountability and for big changes, sometimes that is needed. I’ve shared my decisions to be more patient and accepting, more open and honest with myself and others, and more focused on being a positive influence in previous posts, so today I’m taking a completely different perspective.
This year I want to focus on “giving back”, and have decided to start that venue in two ways. First and foremost, I will begin recycling (I know…it’s bad that I don’t already do that!). I used to recycle, and then stopped when I moved and I just haven’t set up a system again. I have no good excuse and am embarrassed to admit that I am wasteful, but that’s the point of this, right? So, any ideas are welcome.
Second, and this is a stretch for me, I am committing to a three day bike tour in the Rocky Mountains in July in support of The Children’s Hospital in Aurora, CO. Most of you know that I have a son with PKU (Phenylketonuria) and that we travel to Colorado twice a year to see his doctors and dieticians there. They have provided so much support for us over the years (professionally and personally) and we have never been in a position to “give back”. This year, I have decided to participate in the Courage Classic bike tour (July 23-25) with fundraising efforts going directly to the IMD (Inherited Metabolic Disease) clinic that serves my son. I have not yet set my fundraising goals, but I am definitely riding. So, support is welcomed here too…ideas, riding tips, donations, etc. I’m getting fitted for my bike tomorrow:).
It’s the start of a New Year; the start for new opportunities, new ideas, new beginnings. It’s a chance to re-think, decide, plan and accomplish things we’ve been thinking about doing. It’s a great time to step out of ourselves and into whom we want to become. We just have to decide who that person is; and then take action!
Margaret
Friday, December 10, 2010
Blessed to Have Choices
As I sit here warm and safe, full and lazy, healthy and blessed, I think of others who may not be so comfortable. At night, before I go to bed, I check in on my kids. I pull the sheets up around their sweet, sleeping faces, kiss their foreheads and offer a quick prayer of thanksgiving. My children sleep on clean sheets, dream under warm blankets, and are surrounded by love and laughter. I think about the kids who put themselves to bed each night, maybe with a full belly, maybe not; maybe safe and happy, maybe not; maybe sleeping comfortably; maybe not. I always feel a twinge of guilt. My blessings are right in front of me, but I tend to focus my energy on other things, and I allow those things to have control over me.
I complain about unimportant events and make big deals out of little issues. I feel slighted if I pay for a meal, but don’t enjoy it. I get impatient if my TV show gets interrupted. I use sarcasm with my family and friends. I stress over insurance, instead of feeling blessed to have it; I lull over important decisions, instead of feeling blessed to have choices; I wish to take back quick-spoken comments, instead of feeling blessed, knowing that I speak my truth.
So, I’m taking this holiday season to re-focus, to remember what is important to me; what really matters. I will work on patience and acceptance, on being honest with others and with myself, and on being a positive influence on the people I meet. My goal is to begin each day with a more positive, focused perspective. When I’m old and gray (no snickering here, I know I’m already gray), I want to feel peace, knowing that I enjoyed my life the best I could. I want to look back and be pleased with my place in this world. It often comes down to choices, and we control what we choose.
Margaret
I complain about unimportant events and make big deals out of little issues. I feel slighted if I pay for a meal, but don’t enjoy it. I get impatient if my TV show gets interrupted. I use sarcasm with my family and friends. I stress over insurance, instead of feeling blessed to have it; I lull over important decisions, instead of feeling blessed to have choices; I wish to take back quick-spoken comments, instead of feeling blessed, knowing that I speak my truth.
So, I’m taking this holiday season to re-focus, to remember what is important to me; what really matters. I will work on patience and acceptance, on being honest with others and with myself, and on being a positive influence on the people I meet. My goal is to begin each day with a more positive, focused perspective. When I’m old and gray (no snickering here, I know I’m already gray), I want to feel peace, knowing that I enjoyed my life the best I could. I want to look back and be pleased with my place in this world. It often comes down to choices, and we control what we choose.
Margaret
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Vacation Anyone?
As I was printing up my Christmas cards (that I’ll hopefully get sent out before the New Year), I noticed how happy my kid’s looked. And, I know it’s because they were on vacation when the pictures were taken. Not that they aren’t happy at home and at school and around town, but vacation happy is a different kind of happy. It’s an “I can sleep late and no one cares” kind of happy; it’s an “I don’t have to clean up my room or do laundry for a week” kind of happy; it’s a “take me to the beach” kind of happy, and it’s perfect!
I was happy too, on their vacation; however, I was not on vacation, I was on a trip.
You know how there is a fine line between a fast walk and a slow jog, or between black and navy? Well, that line doesn't exists between a vacation and a trip –they are completely different experiences!
On vacation, you can relax; you can soak up the environment and even forget what time it is. On vacation, you can choose what to do, and it’s perfectly acceptable. You can pamper yourself with visits to the spa, overpriced drinks, amazing show tickets, wine …um… not so much on a trip. On a trip, you are responsible for other people’s vacation. You are planning day trips, keeping time-lines, and driving in crazy traffic. You are packing snacks so you don't get stuck paying for overpriced Pringles; you are hosting hourly sunscreen rub-downs and counting heads at the beach, assuring that no one goes out too far. A trip is a fun adventure complete with compromise.
When I was 10, I remember driving from Kansas to California in an old station wagon named Sunshine. It was yellow, thus the name, and seven of us packed in for the adventure of a lifetime. Now, I don’t remember a lot from my early years, but I remember that vacation. I sat in the tiny space between the “back” (the forward facing middle seat) and the “back-back” (the backward facing, all-the-way-in-the-back seat). My sisters argued the whole way because they kept touching each other as they tried to sleep, and my brother’s feet stunk. We stopped on the side of the road to stretch and run and eat sandwiches from a cooler. We went pee behind trees or in nasty rest-stops. We only reserved one hotel room each night for all seven of us. My dad would check in, and then sneak a couple kids in after he had the keys – we weren’t flush with cash and a buck was a buck. We went to the ocean and saw the Grand Canyon and it was the best vacation ever!
But, the story is a little different told from my parent’s point of view…it was definitely a trip for them. They were the ones making the sandwiches and organizing the sleeping spots. They listened to all of us complain that we were hungry, thirsty, tired, uncomfortable, hot, bored…etc. They kept their patience pretty well as we sung the fiftieth verse of “100 Bottles of Pop on the Wall” and played the twentieth game of “Car Bingo”. It’s no wonder why they got us to the hotel pool about a nanosecond after we dropped our bags in the room; we’d play with each other and leave them alone for a few minutes…until we wanted them to “watch me dive mom!” They were ALWAYS with us.
One person’s trip is another person's vacation, and either way, they make for great stories and perfect memories. I can’t wait until next summer when we drive the kids to Utah and to visit some of the National Parks. It will be a grand vacation for the family, and a grand trip for me.
Margaret
I was happy too, on their vacation; however, I was not on vacation, I was on a trip.
You know how there is a fine line between a fast walk and a slow jog, or between black and navy? Well, that line doesn't exists between a vacation and a trip –they are completely different experiences!
On vacation, you can relax; you can soak up the environment and even forget what time it is. On vacation, you can choose what to do, and it’s perfectly acceptable. You can pamper yourself with visits to the spa, overpriced drinks, amazing show tickets, wine …um… not so much on a trip. On a trip, you are responsible for other people’s vacation. You are planning day trips, keeping time-lines, and driving in crazy traffic. You are packing snacks so you don't get stuck paying for overpriced Pringles; you are hosting hourly sunscreen rub-downs and counting heads at the beach, assuring that no one goes out too far. A trip is a fun adventure complete with compromise.
When I was 10, I remember driving from Kansas to California in an old station wagon named Sunshine. It was yellow, thus the name, and seven of us packed in for the adventure of a lifetime. Now, I don’t remember a lot from my early years, but I remember that vacation. I sat in the tiny space between the “back” (the forward facing middle seat) and the “back-back” (the backward facing, all-the-way-in-the-back seat). My sisters argued the whole way because they kept touching each other as they tried to sleep, and my brother’s feet stunk. We stopped on the side of the road to stretch and run and eat sandwiches from a cooler. We went pee behind trees or in nasty rest-stops. We only reserved one hotel room each night for all seven of us. My dad would check in, and then sneak a couple kids in after he had the keys – we weren’t flush with cash and a buck was a buck. We went to the ocean and saw the Grand Canyon and it was the best vacation ever!
But, the story is a little different told from my parent’s point of view…it was definitely a trip for them. They were the ones making the sandwiches and organizing the sleeping spots. They listened to all of us complain that we were hungry, thirsty, tired, uncomfortable, hot, bored…etc. They kept their patience pretty well as we sung the fiftieth verse of “100 Bottles of Pop on the Wall” and played the twentieth game of “Car Bingo”. It’s no wonder why they got us to the hotel pool about a nanosecond after we dropped our bags in the room; we’d play with each other and leave them alone for a few minutes…until we wanted them to “watch me dive mom!” They were ALWAYS with us.
One person’s trip is another person's vacation, and either way, they make for great stories and perfect memories. I can’t wait until next summer when we drive the kids to Utah and to visit some of the National Parks. It will be a grand vacation for the family, and a grand trip for me.
Margaret
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